I have been obsessing again about the one that got away.
Why do I do this to myself?
Why can’t I just leave him in the past where he belongs? Why can’t I leave that hot, successful and insanely clever man in the box at the back of my fabulous walk-in closet?
I have since grown as a woman, I have achieved my own happiness and wealth, I need nothing from him. Apart for his hard cock in my mouth… STOP IT.
You know that guy that despite you and him both being a 10 (because I am still a 10, or at least an 8, despite being on the eve of my mid-thirties…fuck that is depressing), at the time he had the nerve to tell you that actually “no” he didn’t actually want it?
I was like WTF do you mean you don’t want it?!
It is usually I who end up being the prick tease. Not this time…and it still haunts me.
So the issue here is that he pursued me. I was happily engaged in a semi-fulfilling relationship. Ok little did I know then what I know now, namely that he was not anywhere near the sexual dominant I needed, but that is another letter. Anyhoos, he turned my head, so to speak.
He was the one who put the idea of us into my head in the first place.
Whilst he was feeling up my leg as we sat together in meetings, whilst he kissed me whenever the chance presented itself, he led me on and on and on.
I should have known I was his conquest. Once he had my vagina wet and begging him to enter –he decided he wouldn’t after all.
Way to leave a girl hanging – fuck, just thinking about him gets me off, I cannot even tell you how many times I have made myself cum imagining what he would have felt like inside of me. The hands, the body against mine, the desperation of removing our clothes as quickly as possible so as not to waste any more time. I mean this is like 8 years in the making.
There must be something wrong with me, every part of my intelligent brain screams “let it go” but here I am still thinking of him in “that way” as recently as last night.
Girl bring me back to earth, please, I beg you.
Kiss and love always