Every Woman Needs 5 Men to Be Satisfied

One man cannot satisfy a woman. We have a complicated system of needs which certainly only superman could fulfill all by himself, and he is fictional so let’s get real. Societal propaganda tries to brainwash women that they should find “the one” and that will make them good girls. (Eye-roll) Please. THERE IS NO ONE! But there are five.

To name a few scenarios, a woman could do with a man in her corner to support her dreams and ambitions, t0 give heightened respectability, to help pay bills, to have stimulating conversation, and to satisfy her sexually. If you find all of this goodness wrapped up in one man let your sisters know, but until then it’s time for school babe. And don’t give me that independence bullshit, find a few good men to pull some of life’s weight and live better! Here we go, the five men every woman needs in her life are:

THE HUSBAND – This is your man. He has your back throughout life. He’s your plus one and your partner in heading up your home. He takes your hand in marriage and there is no bullshit to deal with because he puts you first above all else. He’s given you the wife title so let’s be honest, society has now upgraded you to a higher status. You are no longer the butt of the single and lonely jokes, can’t get a man speculations, or pity stares from people wondering what the heck is wrong with you.

The Husband gives you children, if you so desire. You lean on him and he warms your bed at night. He provides for you and your family and defends your honor eternally. He’s a good man and together you form a unit, Bonnie & Clyde  style like Beyonce and Jay-Z. You love him.

THE LOVER – Mr. Lova lova, mmm. Need I say more? A woman needs a lover to thrill and excite her mind body and soul. He’s a good guy, but it doesn’t matter much what he is doing with his life or how much money he has, because you do not look to him to provide for you or to even pay a bill. His only purpose is to twist and bend you in the nastiest most delicious ways that have you speaking in tongues.

The lover gets your body quivering just by entering the scene because you know what he came to do. In the best case he is young and unattached, with no real life pressures other than his upcoming exams or finding someone to cover his weekend shift. You know nothing much about his life and you don’t care. When his body lightly grazes yours as you walk past him, a split second before he comes up behind you and pauses for a moment then kisses you on the back of your neck, holding you firmly in place, because he knows he isn’t letting you go anywhere, you think “you can do whatever you want, just come home and give it to me dada”. He’s eager and fun and smells like teen spirit. You like him.

THE SUGAR DADDY – Yep. Sugar Daddy is not an old-fashioned concept. This dude’s purpose is to finance whatever you want or need. Tuition, rent, vacation, mortgage, you name it. Now sugar can of course come from various sources, e.g. the Husband or even the Lover, and if that’s the case then great. But, sometimes such a package deal is not available, in which case you need the funds from external sources.

This guy’s role ideally becomes less and less the older you get. Think about it, tuition is usually an issue when you’re under the age of 25. If you are doing what you should be doing and making smart decisions, soon thereafter you’ve nabbed yourself the Husband, and have all expenses paid as they should be. Call that man Daddy!

THE WISE MAN – Every woman can benefit from talking to a wise man with whom she is not having sex. This guy is smart and experienced, and has a certain enchanting calm about him. He’s probably old. He cares about you and wants to see you succeed and so he counsels you where he can. He may be successful in business so he can advise you on how to position yourself in your career or toward others so that you win. He may counsel you in your relationships, telling you when to call it quits or when to stay the course. He keeps it real with you and calls you out when you are self-sabotaging. You respect him.

THE FRIEND – Bet you didn’t know that the guy in the friend zone served a real purpose huh? He sure does. The Friend is an absolute must. He is there with you through it all, probably even before you met your husband. He’s seen you through breakups and heartbreaks, through your experiments with girls, drunk texting, and short-lived abstinence phases. He is your faithful plus one when there is no one else, and he falls back when there is. He goes to the movies with you, dinner, the mall, the club. It’s the ultimate friend without benefits situation. He wants to sex you of course, but he is happy to wait in vain forever.

You confide in the Friend just about everything. He knows details about your relationships that even your girlfriends don’t know because you can’t trust those bitches, but he would NEVER betray you. With him you are free.

How Long Should You Keep Each Man Around?

Each man serves a purpose for a time and forever is not the goal. It would be nice with the Husband, but it’s not the goal! The goal is to get to the place in your life where you are whole, happy, and blissfully hedonistic on your terms. You are free to erase and replace the men as you see fit or when they no longer fulfill the job.

Ladies be free. Cast a new man for each role in your life instead of putting the burden upon one. He can’t do it! It’s no wonder so many of you are miserable, you expect the impossible. Don’t hold on to one man and frown when you can have many men and smile!


Author: Vic

The eternal sisterhood warrior, Vic motivates women all over the world to stand up and roar. She's Editor-in-Chief at Hold My Lipstick where she gives the authors and the crazies as much rope as they need to swing far off the edge...she knows they always make it back home intact.