So I’m minding my own business at home watching Scandal. I am addicted to Ms. Olivia Pope because she is BOSS. That woman makes me feel like I need to jump up and go fix somebody’s life, slap a chick in the face, and make the president my boyfriend…whenever we get another sexy president that is. In the present scene a woman gets that sneaky look in her eyes as she decides to put the moves on a guy. No, it was not Ms. Pope. One and a half seconds into the scene, the woman drops to her knees, unzips dude’s pants, and dives in mouth first.
I have to start a new paragraph to emphasize how long of a pause I need you to take.
Getting on your knees should not be your first move.
Where the hell did this come from? Porn? The French? America? Help me out here, I’m lost. Which woman had the bright idea that to get the party started, she had to drop down and slob knob? And more importantly, how did this idea become so mainstream that it is featured over and over again on TV as the first thing to do?
Honey no! No no no. Let me put a stop to this foolishness right now. Your mouth is sacred. That’s not how you get the guy. That’s not how you keep the guy. Not how you get the power, or whatever thing it is that you are chasing.
The Big Lie
Society is trying to condition you to be knob slobbers, crawling on your knees to suck dudes off. You are not here for that. It’s cheap and gross if that is your default position. There are a thousand other ways to seduce a guy. A million. Oh, and that rumor you’ve heard that to keep your man happy you should suck him off every morning. Lie! Will he be happy if you do this? Of course. Do you have to do this to keep him happy? Absolutely not. And more importantly, in the words of a scorned wife on Being Mary Jane – “Who wants a dick in their mouth first thing in the morning?” Answer: Nobody. Get outta here.
As far back as I can remember, the most disrespectful thing you could say to someone was “suck my dick”. When did that change? Newsflash, it hasn’t! It is still a disrespectful thing to say, which logically, must mean that there is something demeaning associated with the act.
I’m not saying don’t do it. What I am saying is:
Be selective with the person. Shitty dudes from the block are happy to tell everyone that so and so sucked his dick. He’ll still get props for that. And don’t think it can’t happen to you, because even Ms. Janet Jackson sang a song “What About” on her Velvet Rope album in which she says “What about the time you said you didn’t fuck her she only gave you head”. Now. If a dude can do Ms. Janet like that, it can happen to you boo.
You really don’t have to do that to get absolutely anything you think the guy can give you. Even moo moo on your choo choo. Translation, you don’t even have to give to get. Yeah I said it.
Be freaking selective. This deserves a repeat. You better be damn sure about the guy and the circumstances before you drop down.
While it may seem on TV like the woman is in control, dominating the man and driving him crazy, the truth is this act is pretty common and basic. A guy will not be impressed just because you get on your knees. He might even be bored, because apparently everyone is doing it. What are you going to do that is special and memorable while you’re down there? I beg you, please do not go down that rabbit hole, chasing ways to shine in that area.
Read novels on the powers of woman, like Seductress by Betsy Prioleau. Read Gigi’s post Smart Girls are the Best in Bed. Be a woman, a lady, a seductress. Use your beautiful mind to devise ways to captivate and enthrall him. And most importantly, at first anyway, do it all standing up.