Confidence is a hell of a thing. I will never forget the day I was walking through the hallways at one of my first jobs, trying to survive another day of the corporate hustle. I had just entered the real world, but I was tired, and it was a hustle. In our office there were two women and a bunch of men.
Then this is what I heard: “She walks around here like she owns the place.” My heart skipped a beat, my stomach fell, and my knees buckled. My brain was exploding and my skin was on fire. Omg, is he talking about me?! Let’s consider the facts supporting that assumption:
- I had just walked past his office
- I was the new girl, the other was a loveable little Becky who had been there for years
- I did walk around like I owned the place. Head up, shoulders back, sashay shanté, in true Rupaul fashion, yaaasss!
So they had noticed. But why was he mad?
Origins of a confident girl
People know me by my walk. Ever since high school my friends would make fun of me and shout me out from across the street, saying they know that walk even from the back. It always made me smile. I am very aware that my strut rivals Naomi Campbell’s on the runway. That is what I do. It is a walk that says “The Boss is here. You’re welcome”. Most people love it, but there are haters.
The walk was born when I was 6 years old, when once again I was the new girl. The woman from the office was walking me to the classroom which was already full and in progress. I remember thinking that the way I walked to and into the classroom would set the tone for my life. I had to make it strong.
So that is what I did. Head up, shoulders back, and just enough sashay and shanté to convince myself and onlookers that I was not afraid. I was strong, confident and the boss.
Your walk can change the shape of your brain
Over time, I became that walk. Whether it was a track meet, a job interview, or a business pitch, every fiber of my being, from my brain to my walk, told me that I was going to win. And I believed it. So I walked on to the scene like a winner.
Even when I lost, the voices in my head would tell me “Don’t worry girl, just come on back, you are going to win.” And I believed it.
Confidence makes some dudes mad
Men love confident women. But there will be a few dudes mad at you for your Boss Walk. Without getting too deep into the psychology of it, it clearly indicates a very small character and probably a very small penis.
I felt the backlash in the office that day when I heard that guy talking about me. I also felt it in another job when one manager could not believe the audacity I had to refuse to be his English teacher, even though I was hired to be an attorney. He was so mad that he made my office life unbearable for many months.
The third time I felt it, was from a team manager who thought saying things like “You’re a star!” would make up for his foolery. When he said those things, I did not fake it, I just stared at him, poker face like Lady Gaga. After our relationship had already begun feeling strained, he once whistled to me before a meeting and gestured with his head for me to sit beside him. Like a damn dog. I declined. Once again, I had a mad man making my office life miserable.
These dudes need to understand: This is bigger than them
Confidence in any situation
Conviction that she will win as long as she keeps persevering
Expectation that her qualifications be honored
ARE BIGGER THAN YOU DUDE! So if it makes your little man parts mad, then they are gonna be mad. Because this is the deal sweetie.
Unlike a beautiful spray tan or pretty makeup, confidence is a stain you can’t wipe off. No matter how much it pisses someone off that you have your stuff together and you know it, they can’t strip you of it. This is the one seed worth sewing and cultivating in every woman’s life because it will shield you from things not meant for you, and guide you to things which are.
Any regrets? Absolutely not. Maybe some jobs would have been more bearable had I walked with a bit more slump-a-dump, given in to absurd demands, or expressed gratitude for being called a star by some idiot whose ego and genitalia needed a pump. But I am not here for that. And neither are you.
And just like anything worth having, confidence comes at a cost, and sometimes you will hurt and suffer for it. But it is worth it, because it will take you from the places you are not meant to be, to places higher than you have ever imagined. All the way to the win girl.